Putin puttin’ his pants on one leg at a time / You mean he’s just like a regular fella, huh? He ain’t nothing like a regular fella / Putin puttin’ his hat on, hat size number nine / “You sayin’ Putin’s gettin’ big headed?” Putin’s head’s just fine
He can drive his giant tractor across the Trans-Siberian plain / He can power a nuclear reactor with the left side of his brain / And when he takes his shirt off he drives the ladies crazy / When he takes his shirt off makes me wanna be a lady
It’s the Putin Girls!
(Putin Girls) Putin if you put it when you put it where you put it / Putin if you put it will you put it next to me? / Putin if you put it when you put it where you put it / Putin if you put it will you put it next to me?
Now Putin hates the Putin girls ’cause he hates vulgarity / And he loves his mother country, and he loves his family / He and his ex-wife Lyudmila are riding along the shore of the beautiful new Russian Black Sea / Let’s listen in, a great man is speaking
We fought a war for this? I’m almost ashamed / The Mediterranean now there’s a resort worth fighting for / If only the Greeks or the Turks would start to sniff around / I’d bring the hammer down so quick their woolly heads would spin
Woolly head, woolly head, woolly head
Or, wait a minute / Even better / What if the Kurds got in the way? / Hey! Kurds and way, curds and whey!
Sometimes a people is greater than their leader / Germany, Kentucky, and France / Sometimes a leader towers over his country / One shot at glory, they don’t get a second chance
I dragged these peasants kicking and screaming into the 21st century / I thought they’d make it / I must have been dreaming / These chicken farmers and file clerks gonna be the death of me
I can’t do it / (Putin Girls) Sure, you can
I can’t do it / (Putin Girls) Yeah, you can
What makes you say that girls? / (Putin Girls) Tell you why, ’cause you’re the Putin Man
Who whipped Napoleon? / (Putin Girls) We did!
Who won World War II? / (Putin Girls) The Americans!
That’s a good one ladies. It’s our turn to sit in the comfy chair / (Putin Girls) And you’re the man gonna get us there!
I don’t know, Lenin couldn’t do it / I don’t know, Stalin couldn’t do it / They couldn’t do it / Why you think I can?
(Putin Girls) You’re gonna lead our people to the Promised Land / You’re right, ’cause, Goddamn, I’m the Putin Man
[By Randy Newman © Nonesuch Records, 2017]